Gym Nudity

So I thought I might solve my shower-drain-clogging problem by simply showering at the gym from here on out. That way my shower, which is currently draining splendidly, can just remain in its peak condition until I move out next month. Thus, no more ickaboo drain cleaning for this bird.
I realize that "solve the problem" is a less accurate descriptive choice than would be "avoid the problem".

The plan also had a second bonus attached to it: by showering at the gym, I would actually be "fitting in" much better in terms of an aspect of French life. You might remember from an earlier posting, but no one actually arrives or departs from my gym wearing work-out clothes. Well, no one except for me.

Instead, they show up in heels and lipstick, scarves and skinny jeans, with their hair all done up. Or with their hair all un-done up, but only in that way that was totally "done to be un-done" and probably took six hours to arrange. The men are also reluctant to come in dressed to work-out--they all arrive wearing their suits with the pants that are slightly too snug and tapered in a way that American men would never stand for, or wearing their street clothes/quasi-dischoteque-wear into the workout establishment.

Post-workout, everyone showers and re-dons their pre-workout get-ups. Even if it is like 9 pm on a Tuesday and they are likely only going home to once again remove the heels and lipstick and scarves and too-tight, too-tapered pants. The ruling mantra of gym goers is as follows: heaven forbid anyone on the street--or the metro conductor--sees me in workout wear. The horror!

So I have been an anomaly, as you may know, in that I actually do show up and leave the gym in a shocking array of garments known as gym attire. Brave soul that I am. And I am sorry, fellow Americans, for adding to the stereotype that prevails over here that many Americans are slobs and wear sweatsuits  and t-shirts everywhere. Other than working out, I seriously dress as best I can here, so I am doing my part to help us all out, and thus I figure I am allowed a litte slack. Plus, I NEVER wear t-shirts with crass/chessy/stupid slogans and I would rather eat mold than wear velour track-suit pants with bedazzled words across the derriere. So don't worry, I am not embarassing us too much.

The major problem involved in executing this new shower idea is that I am a rather modest American. My time living in Europe has led me to believe that comfortability with nudity is a culturally-conditioned phenomenon. Thus, as a "typical" American gal, I REALLY dislike the abundance of nakedness that occurs in the locker room at my Parisian gym. I understand that one needs to un-dress and re-dress oneself pre-and post-shower, and therefore a flash of flesh here and there is inevitable. But all the brazen walking around, the blow drying of hair, the repainting of toes, and the watching daily soap operas (there is a TV in the locker room that plays some sort of Frenchie daytime drama type show ALL the time--I know not why--question for another day) which takes place au natural in the locker room is a bit off-putting.

I am not terribly self-conscious about my body, but nor do I think I should be subjecting others to seeing me, from every vantage point, just because I decide to perform a number of other tasks prior to donning some undergarments. Really, can you just answer your cell phone, after you throw on a t-shirt? Maybe I am a prude American, but it has never been my inclination to stalk around stark.

Well: stark-raving mad, maybe. Stark-raving nude, no.

But once I decided on implementing my new shower-cleaning-avoidance plan, I thought I could brave the sitch--or at least try it out. So I brought my towel and shampoo and whatnot to the gym with me the other day. I walked in, wearing my normal day clothes, carting around my gym bag that weighed about 60 pounds due to the sneakers, the water, the clothing, the toiletries, the makeup, etc. Honestly people who take this approach need not even work out, as it is enough of a bicep-builder to just lug all that paraphernalia around.

After my work out I was getting ready to try out the new shower plan when a woman in my locker aisle started speaking to me in rapid-fire French. I looked up at her, and though it could be surmised that such was a forgone conclusion, she was (of course) buck nake-o. Evidently she had some sort of allergic reaction to the soap or the water or the walls or something in the shower stall and her skin was turning sort of pinkish as a result of this mystery problem.

As she chatted me up, she started pinching areas of her flesh to demonstrate where the offense had been the most intense (I thought this course of action bizarre since such was presumably only serving to further aggravate the irritation. Am I wrong?). As she blabbered on in her outrage at the egregious transgression by shower-stall, she kept walking towards me. Eventually, she was practically standing on top of me; I think her unspoken assumption was that the more she talked and the closer she came the more likely it would be that we could wage a war on the hive-inducing shower stall together.

Now, NORMALLY, I would have walked away tout suite, and never allowed the converation to progress (regress?) as far as it did. But I was using the scenario, initially, as an exercise in my becoming more comfortable with the locker-room nudity. Also, I was sort of interested in the fact that I was able to actually understand most of what she was saying, and I thus remained engaged because I had a fleeting thought that being "in" with the locker room crowd might provide me with more opps to practice my fluency.

But then I realized that I do not like being publicly naked, and I do not like talking to naked people. It suddenly seemed pretty clear that I just do not want to deal with the "perks" of this new lifestyle as a gym showerer. So I guess I will remain a prude, gym-clothes wearing American "weirdo" with a clog-prone shower drain. Whatever, there are some areas in life where "progression" is not all it is cracked up to be.

And at least my shower does not induce hives. So I have that going for me.