Applying to jobs on-line is a dismal business. I am so disenchanted with the process that I rarely actually apply to anything I find posted in cyberspace. My reasons against doing so are varied, but there are two front-runners I have personally identified which indicate that finding viable employment via the "click/send" method is suspect.
The first con is ironically in direct opposition to the premise of the internet as I understand it, and it is that on-line postings are often quite outdated. One of the appealing aspects of the world wide web is that much of the content available on the internet is impressively available in a "real-time unfolding" manner. An obvious, and possibly controversial example, is that when friends post "status updates" I trust these snippets to be as current as three to five minutes ago, and likely not more than a day old when (and if) I read them. With on-line job postings, the freshness factor is decidedly dubious, and many listings seem to be as stale as last months baguette (not last months loaf of Pepperidge Farm, mind you, because unlike a fresh baguette, that pile of preservatives seemingly has a shelf life of years).
I have applied to a total of three jobs on-line. This seemingly paltry effort is actually not because I lack motivation or desire, but rather because I am selective. And by "selective" I mean I would like to garner employment that I actually enjoy and find to be a mutually beneficial situation. I know: picky, picky me. Of the three, two of them promptly responded to me (which was super nice, gracious, and sort of unexpected) within about two hours. One told me that they were in the process of interviewing finalists and that the application window had been already closed. Apparently, my stellar resume did not inspire them to re-open the proverbial window, but I won't overanalyze that issue lest I lose self-esteem at a time when having it in spades is crucial. A representative from the second job to which I applied reported that the position had been filled, and it sounded like the person who landed the gig was already enrolled in a 401K plan. The third job I only just applied to this morning, so the jury is still out.
Aside from the fact that I feel somewhat foolish sending applications to outdated postings, the second reason I dislike applying to job's on-line is because, much like with my marginal SAT scores, I just do not think people gain a full appreciation for me as a person and employee based on a sheet of paper. My resume and cover letters are fine, but what can anyone ever really tell about another person based on a quasi-formulaic list of euphemisms and creatively-used adjectives? The process is akin to dating; you do not know how well you will click with someone until you are face to face. And, just like dating, the people who are written off based on factual criteria may just be the person of your dreams.
I know this analogy to be true, because I used to be a professional matchmaker (as you might remember), so I am a bit of a subject matter expert. There is a lid for every pot, people.
What I really need to do is network, but long distance networking is sort of difficult, so that will have to wait until next week when I am back in the lowcountry. In the meantime, I would like to officially declare that I despise Monster.com because they grossly misunderstand who I am as a person and what intrinsically motivates me on a professional level: I will not be a sales representative for indeterminate items and no, you cannot lure me in just by promising me outlandish sums of money.
I told you I was picky.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
My Limbo has Become Literal
So now I have been back from Paris for about three weeks, and I remain is a serious state of confusion as to what my next professional step in life will be. It is possible that my ducks have never been less in a row than right now.
That said, the one good thing I have going for me is that the name of my blog remains astonishingly apt. So it is nice that there is one thing about which I need not worry.
Just to give some sense of my personal chaos: my husband is in Texas, and has been for the past two months because work took him to Houston. We do not live in Texas, nor will we ever live in Texas, so this separation is not the norm and is not fun. I am still in Cape Cod, though I no longer live in Massachusetts, so this too is not the norm. Technically, we "live" in Charleston, but our house in South Carolina is rented out and will remain rented out for another several months, so we don't really live there at all at the moment.
In case you are failing to read between the lines, or to read at all, I am basically a homeless person whose life and belongings are scattered amongst three states. I also currently have no steady job and no car. In fact, I do not even have a bicycle as I loaned it to the renters. I think I still have friends, but the jury is out on that one since I have yet to get a new portable phone since returning to the states and thus have been out of touch with the majority of mes amies.
My dogs seem to be cool with all of this, so that situation along with my blog title, is the second thing I currently have going for me.
My friend Dave told me yesterday that what I have right now is a wonderful amount of flexibility. Dave, by the way, is prone to euphemisms.
Really I am very much in limbo. And that situation itself is another of life's great ironies because my mother and I actually had to evacuate her house on Cape Cod due to the flooding brought on by Hurricane Irene. So we are now staying in a hotel uptown where I actually won the limbo contest in 7th grade at a friends Bat Mitzvah. Seriously, at this very hotel--I passed the "ballroom" where that crowning life achievement occurred yesterday on my way to the fitness room. Life laughs at you sometimes, doesn't it?
On the brighter side of things, I have been able to work on my book(s), and having the time and space to do so is a great thing. And another writing venture just turned up as well; I have now been enlisted to work on a project with my great friend who is an underwear specialist.
So I may be homeless, but at least I am not predictable.
That said, the one good thing I have going for me is that the name of my blog remains astonishingly apt. So it is nice that there is one thing about which I need not worry.
Just to give some sense of my personal chaos: my husband is in Texas, and has been for the past two months because work took him to Houston. We do not live in Texas, nor will we ever live in Texas, so this separation is not the norm and is not fun. I am still in Cape Cod, though I no longer live in Massachusetts, so this too is not the norm. Technically, we "live" in Charleston, but our house in South Carolina is rented out and will remain rented out for another several months, so we don't really live there at all at the moment.
In case you are failing to read between the lines, or to read at all, I am basically a homeless person whose life and belongings are scattered amongst three states. I also currently have no steady job and no car. In fact, I do not even have a bicycle as I loaned it to the renters. I think I still have friends, but the jury is out on that one since I have yet to get a new portable phone since returning to the states and thus have been out of touch with the majority of mes amies.
My dogs seem to be cool with all of this, so that situation along with my blog title, is the second thing I currently have going for me.
My friend Dave told me yesterday that what I have right now is a wonderful amount of flexibility. Dave, by the way, is prone to euphemisms.
Really I am very much in limbo. And that situation itself is another of life's great ironies because my mother and I actually had to evacuate her house on Cape Cod due to the flooding brought on by Hurricane Irene. So we are now staying in a hotel uptown where I actually won the limbo contest in 7th grade at a friends Bat Mitzvah. Seriously, at this very hotel--I passed the "ballroom" where that crowning life achievement occurred yesterday on my way to the fitness room. Life laughs at you sometimes, doesn't it?
On the brighter side of things, I have been able to work on my book(s), and having the time and space to do so is a great thing. And another writing venture just turned up as well; I have now been enlisted to work on a project with my great friend who is an underwear specialist.
So I may be homeless, but at least I am not predictable.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Paris...and then what?
I no longer live in Paris and I am therefore wondering if my general blog-worthiness has been reduced. Reading about the daily observations of an Americaine living in America seems pretty banal.
Especially since the American in question has been staying at her mom's house in Cape Cod for the past two weeks, with limited exposure to the cultural offerings of the world at large. Not to suggest that Cape Cod is lacking in any way; it is both diversely artsy and aesthetically captivating. But my relative isolation is rooted in the fact that, at the moment, I have no car, no phone, and no decent bread in the vicinity on which to comment at length. As I generally like to garner material from interactions with others, you can see why I am now in a bit of a tight spot. My dogs and I have actually had some pretty lively tete-a-tetes, but that seems like a subjective interpretation of a topic with limited mass-appeal.
What I have going for me is the fact that I am currently unemployed. This seemingly unfortunate status may actually prove to be our mutual and proverbial goldmine because it screams of possibility. I could perchance start following some professonal path merely for the purpose of increasing the entertainment value of this blog. That POA probably sounds a bit ambitious ("ambitious" here being a euphemism for "ludicrous"), but I want you to know that I am dedicated to making dubious life decisions for the sake of garnering new material. Also, my resume says nothing if it does not say: "I have professional ADD". So whatever career path I next select will be in good company in the sense that it will be as nonsensical as all previous endeavors.
One of the personally irritating things about my past professional pursuits is that the majority of them are not really things I could viably go back to. Despite having tried about 15 different careers, I have no solid skill-set that could act as "Plan B" if times ever became tough. You know how people say things like: "Well, if my new handbag line does not work out, I can always go back to accounting" or "If I cannot make a go of this new bean-bag chair business, I can always go back to being a lawyer"? Well, I do not have one of those sentences.
We can just touch upon a smattering of my former positions to elucidate the point, and it seems self-flagellatingly appropriate to start with the one that no one ever thought I could do in the first place. That said, I cannot go back to being a woodworker. For one thing, I was never particularly talented at working with that particular material. For another, being knocked to the ground by a large 2-foot wide and 2-inch thick board, which flew off the blade of a table saw (maybe, probably, definitely due to my own mistake) made it pretty clear to me that the likelihood of my staying in that line of work and keeping all my extremities intact was low. I like my fingers, so we can permanently cross that one off the list of potentials.
I loved being a features writer and restaurant critic for a magazine, but going back to the position would be unfortunately futile since the magazine in question has now folded. I really liked my job as a matchmaker, but people always seemed to misinterpret the position and thought it was unseemly (it wasn't, for the record). I cannot very well go back to being a lifeguard since my crawl is abysmal, the only thing separating my skin from that of an albino is a smattering of freckles--and there is the not-unimportant factor that I am not a teenager. Going back to planning weddings is out of the question since I find the vast majority of brides insufferable, and returning to my post as a travel agent seems relatively useless and redundant given the prevalence of sophisticated apps and sites.
We almost have a light at the end of this tunnel of alarmingly non-useful career-decisions considering that going back to being an innkeeper is actually appealling to me on a personal level--especially since I am now decent at making homemade croissants and brioche, and could thus return to the field as an improved entity. However, such would be impossible on a practical level since the pay is paltry at best. Wish I could be more Oprah-esque about following my passion, but a girl needs to be able to put dog food on the table after all. Teaching English to French University students was pretty fun, especially since the job doubled as an opportunity to hone a stand-up comedian act, but such would be a difficult gig to find in a country where hardly anyone speaks French. Non?
Of the fields in which I have dabbled where potential exists: PR or Non-profit consulting are certainly options, but the difficulty with privacy issues within both careers might make them difficut to exploit on this blog. I am thinking of how we can all benefit, you see.
Regarding all of these positions and the reasons I have proffered as to why they are unsuitable/impossible for me: I would just like to offer a tardy and superfluous "no offense", if I have already offended you.
I sort of wish I was at the end of the laundry list that comprises the "Professional Experience" section of my resume, so I will just imagine such to be the case and cut us off here. Paris is sure a tough act to follow, and I know I have my work set out for me. That said, I have a hunch that the "Miscellaneous" page on Craigslist job postings might yield some promising possibilities for how I can best embark on another questionable vocational voyage. Will keep you posted.
Especially since the American in question has been staying at her mom's house in Cape Cod for the past two weeks, with limited exposure to the cultural offerings of the world at large. Not to suggest that Cape Cod is lacking in any way; it is both diversely artsy and aesthetically captivating. But my relative isolation is rooted in the fact that, at the moment, I have no car, no phone, and no decent bread in the vicinity on which to comment at length. As I generally like to garner material from interactions with others, you can see why I am now in a bit of a tight spot. My dogs and I have actually had some pretty lively tete-a-tetes, but that seems like a subjective interpretation of a topic with limited mass-appeal.
What I have going for me is the fact that I am currently unemployed. This seemingly unfortunate status may actually prove to be our mutual and proverbial goldmine because it screams of possibility. I could perchance start following some professonal path merely for the purpose of increasing the entertainment value of this blog. That POA probably sounds a bit ambitious ("ambitious" here being a euphemism for "ludicrous"), but I want you to know that I am dedicated to making dubious life decisions for the sake of garnering new material. Also, my resume says nothing if it does not say: "I have professional ADD". So whatever career path I next select will be in good company in the sense that it will be as nonsensical as all previous endeavors.
One of the personally irritating things about my past professional pursuits is that the majority of them are not really things I could viably go back to. Despite having tried about 15 different careers, I have no solid skill-set that could act as "Plan B" if times ever became tough. You know how people say things like: "Well, if my new handbag line does not work out, I can always go back to accounting" or "If I cannot make a go of this new bean-bag chair business, I can always go back to being a lawyer"? Well, I do not have one of those sentences.
We can just touch upon a smattering of my former positions to elucidate the point, and it seems self-flagellatingly appropriate to start with the one that no one ever thought I could do in the first place. That said, I cannot go back to being a woodworker. For one thing, I was never particularly talented at working with that particular material. For another, being knocked to the ground by a large 2-foot wide and 2-inch thick board, which flew off the blade of a table saw (maybe, probably, definitely due to my own mistake) made it pretty clear to me that the likelihood of my staying in that line of work and keeping all my extremities intact was low. I like my fingers, so we can permanently cross that one off the list of potentials.
I loved being a features writer and restaurant critic for a magazine, but going back to the position would be unfortunately futile since the magazine in question has now folded. I really liked my job as a matchmaker, but people always seemed to misinterpret the position and thought it was unseemly (it wasn't, for the record). I cannot very well go back to being a lifeguard since my crawl is abysmal, the only thing separating my skin from that of an albino is a smattering of freckles--and there is the not-unimportant factor that I am not a teenager. Going back to planning weddings is out of the question since I find the vast majority of brides insufferable, and returning to my post as a travel agent seems relatively useless and redundant given the prevalence of sophisticated apps and sites.
We almost have a light at the end of this tunnel of alarmingly non-useful career-decisions considering that going back to being an innkeeper is actually appealling to me on a personal level--especially since I am now decent at making homemade croissants and brioche, and could thus return to the field as an improved entity. However, such would be impossible on a practical level since the pay is paltry at best. Wish I could be more Oprah-esque about following my passion, but a girl needs to be able to put dog food on the table after all. Teaching English to French University students was pretty fun, especially since the job doubled as an opportunity to hone a stand-up comedian act, but such would be a difficult gig to find in a country where hardly anyone speaks French. Non?
Of the fields in which I have dabbled where potential exists: PR or Non-profit consulting are certainly options, but the difficulty with privacy issues within both careers might make them difficut to exploit on this blog. I am thinking of how we can all benefit, you see.
Regarding all of these positions and the reasons I have proffered as to why they are unsuitable/impossible for me: I would just like to offer a tardy and superfluous "no offense", if I have already offended you.
I sort of wish I was at the end of the laundry list that comprises the "Professional Experience" section of my resume, so I will just imagine such to be the case and cut us off here. Paris is sure a tough act to follow, and I know I have my work set out for me. That said, I have a hunch that the "Miscellaneous" page on Craigslist job postings might yield some promising possibilities for how I can best embark on another questionable vocational voyage. Will keep you posted.
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