They Really are Rooting for You...All of Them

Everyday, I feel I am bombarded with evidence that many people in this world subscribe to the notion that other people--be they in the form of a boss, a professor, a partner, or a parent (or some combination of the aforementioned) are trying to "keep them down."

It is sort of strange phenomenon, especially given the fact that anecdotally there is much support for the exact opposite case. That is to say, happy images available through various popular culture outlets have implied that optimal life circumstances are characterized by people being encouraged and supported by the influential others in their lives. As in: the student surpassing the teacher (a little Aristotle/Plato action), the boss retiring and placing her office keys in the even more capable hands of her protégé, the parent succeeding in offering a life rife with improvements on his/her own to his/her offspring. Of course, maybe this Disney-movie naiveté is an unrealistic way to view the world.

But is it?

Because what is the alternative? That your professor really wants you to botch your finals? That your parents hope you succomb to a life of mediocrity and struggle? That your boss secretly relishes your displays of idiocy? That your partner wants you to be an insecure, resentful, fruit loop?

I will concede that if you are surrounded, in any of the aforementioned capacities, by people who suffer from either inordinately low-self-esteem or extreme narcissism, then they may harbor such ill-intended feelings towards you. And that is a shame.

But that would also be a reflection on them, not on YOU. And if you do feel that way, then I advise you to cut bait and move on from such poisonous leeches. Yes, even if they are family. Sorry to be harsh, but you have one life to live and you deserve to be happy, supported, and moving in perpetually forward and/or upward directions.

And, I dispense this guidance for the good of us all. As in, the vast majority of your friends, family members, and colleagues are NOT contributing to this "keeping you down" business. Therefore they do not deserve to be bogged down by the excruciating minutiae of the misery inflicted by the selfish and select few. So stop lamenting the issue. And hop to it, peeps. There is fun to be had.

Because, the truth of the matter is that most people in your life really want you to succeed. Why wouldn't they? At least, if people want to be inspired, if they wish to be instilled with hope, if they too seek a raison d'etre, then it stands to reason that they would want you to succeed. Otherwise what is the point of anything? Squelching people's dreams and making them feel small, stupid, or insignificant just seems like a waste of time. And, as such, I do not believe that most (generally sane and generally kind) people in our time-obsessed culture would willingly or consciously be doing any such thing.

I realize that my offerings here might seem simplistic. They might seem overly optimistic. They might seem feasible for others but not for you with your specific circumstance with person or situation "X", "Y", or "Z".

Again, I offer a notion I return to time and time again: it comes down to perspective.

Imagine a professor administers a test and the entire class fails. For the sake of argument, it is unlikely that every single person was out until dawn doing keg stands and jello shots the night before (though a few people were probably doing just that). More likey is that the test was not an appropriate guage of the course material covered and/or it was poorly compiled. No professor wants to be in the position of having a whole class fail. He or she wants people do well becaue that would mean that he or she had covered and tested material accurately. It would also mean that he or she had inspired the students to learn what would be tested: voila, a mutual success.

Similarly, when you give a Power Point presentation to the board members, your boss wants you to hit it out of the park. If you look good, she looks good. And your parents want you to be happy. They may live vicariuosly through you, or they may not be able to imagine why you make the choices you make. They may have moments of envy for your "better" life or times they fear that you are leaving them behind. But if they have done their job the way they envisioned they could to the best capacity, then what they truly want is for you to live your life in a manner that is the best for you. If your partner is unkind, ungenerous, or critical, it has to do with his (or her) insecurties and issues--not yours. When he or she is really being his/her best self, then he or she wants you to exceed, to spread your wings, and to evolve and to follow paths of your own. To do so gives him/her the green light for his/her own life...and then the life you have together will be that much more dynamic and strong.

I am serious. People (again, provided they are both generally kind and generally sane) do not want you to fail. Think about it. I believe you will notice, in short order, that the majority of the influential people in your life want to support and encourage you. So stop focusing on "the man" keeping you down. He simply does not have much longetivy or power outside of your own head.